My Unexpected Blessing

How do I describe being the mother of a special-needs kid? Well I guess you can call it an unexpected blessing. Kinda like when you find a $10 bill on the street and there is no one around. You look and look to see who that money belongs to but the street is empty so you consider yourself lucky and put that money in your pocket.

That's what happened when I got pregnant with my Antsy Pants kid. I was on birth control and was late a couple of days when I decided to take a pregnancy test. My husband and I were sure it was going to be negative but low and behold it was positive! We bought two more tests because we couldn't believe it. We were going to be parents.

The pregnancy was difficult and high-risk, and I delivered (unexpectedly) five weeks early. Antsy Pants needed some oxygen but was able to go home with me although he needed photo therapy for nine days. From the very beginning I noticed the baby was different from other babies. He was high-need and although he nursed and nursed, his weight was low. He cried for hours. I cried along with him. What did I do wrong? Nothing, the pediatrician would say. Just keep nursing him. He'll be fine. He's a boy, they are like that.

Over the next two years and on we visited the ER on numerous occasions. Sudden, severe ear infections, head dives down the stairs, eating diaper rash cream, ramming his head against the wall. Again I was told that he was okay, just a boy.

Relief. We found relief when we moved and saw a new pediatrician. She gave Antsy Pants an evaluation and checked his records. "You have beautiful son. Striking good looks. How do you think he's developing?" Wow! No one had asked me that before. I poured my heart out to this new doctor. Luckily she didn't head for the hills. She looked at me and said "We're on the same page and I will help you. Maybe he's fine but lets have some further evaluations done. Something tells me he may need some extra help but he will be fine at the end of all this."

Time passed. Diagnosis were made. Antsy Pants got the help he needed. I gave him all that I could give. I cried, laughed, and cried some more when it seemed that I had exhausted everything in me. Each time he would give me unconditional love. That love built up my reserves so that I could continue to fight for him, with him. One day he said to me "Mom, you are the most special mom and I love you so much that I can't hold it in" and he squeezed me tight. My son, my unexpected blessing. I love you more than everything in this universe and back.